Finding Love at Yale

Finding love at Yale is hard. Just ask my mom, who has had this explained to her at least twice a month for the past three years. How do you meet someone when everyone seems too busy, too hot, or too consumed with cultivating a hip but low-key Facebook persona to give you a chance? Don’t worry! I’m here to help. Below are some of the best places to find love at Yale!

1. A dining hall
See a cute guy eating dinner alone? Ask if you can join him! Who knows? Maybe he’ll want you as dessert! Ha ha!

2. Bass Café
That girl might seem busy, but everyone can use a break! Strike up a sweet and spicy conversation about Bass Café’s Sweet and Spicy Chicken Sandwich with Harissa and Red Pepper Aioli. She will definitely send you a gcal invite for Friday evening! ;)!

3. Yale Symphony Orchestra rehearsals between 4:00 and 6:30 on Mondays and Wednesdays in the Adams Center

The Yale Symphony Orchestra—one of the finest undergraduate orchestras in the country—has plenty of talented and motivated bachelors with compassionate mothers who just want what’s best for them. The clarinet section, in particular, has three notable single men, one of whom is not necessarily opposed to having a girlfriend at the moment, but isn’t going to force it just to please his mother if it’s not in the cards.

4. Old Campus
If you’re a first-year, there’s no better place to find a date than on Old Campus! Wait until it’s dark, put on all black, lay face down in the dirt, and wait for someone cute to step on you! When they realize what they’ve done and apologize, threaten to sue them! Do not back down until they agree to come with you to Vivi Bubble Tea. Chewy!

5. Lecture for Selfhood, Race, Class, and Gender in GR109 in Rosenfeld Hall MW 11:35-12:50
Looking for a woke lover who can describe each wave of feminism in comprehensive, intersectional detail? Or just a white dude who is trying his best? One noteworthy scholar whose mother is just a little worried he is missing out on a really excellent time to meet a long-term partner sits toward the back left of the room (closest to the Temple Street entrance). He is, again, not really going out of his way to find a girlfriend but wouldn’t really mind making the commitment for someone pretty who thinks Kanye West’s 808s and Heartbreak deserves more respect in the hip-hop community.

6. The gym!
The specific gym doesn’t matter. All that matters is you’ll find hard-working people who value their health! What could be better? Get on a treadmill next to a cute guy and run until muscle cramps seize your legs and send you flying off the machine. If he’s a keeper, he will fireman carry you to Yale Health. It will be a great story to tell your children.

7. Grace Hopper College I21
Looking for a fun place to meet guys? How about a suite with five dudes and only one couch? Of the five, two are gay, one has a girlfriend, and one sleeps upside-down in his closet like a bat. The remaining suitemate—whose mother expressed only mild disappointment when she found out he was practicing clarinet on a Friday night instead of going on a date with any of a seemingly endless pool of smart, sophisticated women—is pretty busy, but can probably make room in his life for someone who still appreciates the novelty of Dippin’ Dots flash-frozen ice cream.

8. Blue State Coffee
That cute guy across the room might have a latte on his mind, but did he just wink at you? Maybe you should give it a shot! Chai tea? More like Chai he better know what’s best for him and offer you a place to stay over October break! Ha ha! Success! Have fun meeting his parents!

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