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Anal Attentive

It’s a good thing Connecticut has at least one candidate in November’s
congressional election with the answers to one of the 21st century’s most
pressing crises. A global disaster like the aids epidemic calls for an informed
and clear-sighted leader like Joseph A. Zdonczyk, who hopes to represent
the Concerned Citizens Party in the coming election.

Zdonczyk doesn’t resort to quick-fix solutions to the epidemic like promoting
safer sex ("You can ask anybody. It adds to the spread of the hiv virus.")
or increasing funding for aids research ("Let’s consider how much money
is being spent on developing a cure for hiv compared to the real killers.")
And as for those "concoctions" scientists keep testing? It’s simpler
than that.

Unlike any scientist to date, the Concerned Citizen knows the single formula
that "stops hiv in its tracks." The key, he recognizes, is simply
"to remain true to your state of life." And remaining true to
your state of life means heterosexual activities only, no "extracurriculars."
Because, the aspiring public official explained, "All the stuff I’ve
read leads me to believe; look, if you’re doing something abnormal, you
have to expect consequences."

Though Zdonczyk is the first to admit that he’s not a scientist, his position
is strongly supported by a few of his own scientific theories. "Your
human anatomy is made to function in a certain way," he explained carefully.
"You can’t twist your arms in the back of you without breaking your
arms. You can’t stick a thumb in your eye without going blind. When a penis
is inserted in a man’s anus, that is a total … I don’t even know how
to describe it … it is so abnormal."

Strangely, this logic is often shunned by scientists, who manage time and
time again to overlook the simple facts. For example, even Alvin Novick,
a professor of biology and public health at Yale-also, incidentally, a physician,
a scientist, a past editor of the AIDS and Public Policy Journal, a co-founder
of many aids programs in New Haven, and a consultant to organizations like
the Centers for Disease Control-fails to grasp the finer points of Zdonczyk’s
theory. Scientists like Novick go so far as to insist that "disrespect"
for homosexuals spreads the scourge like wildfire. Anne Williams, a nurse
practitioner who works with aids patients in New Haven, subscribes to this
same fiction. "The stigma," she claimed, "still keeps people
from care or sends people to care that’s not cutting-edge."

But facts are facts. And the intolerance for immorality that Novick and
Williams call stigma is for Zdonczyk nothing more than good, old-fashioned
virtue. After all, Zdonczyk’s theories are backed by historical evidence
as well as Sunday School teachings. According to Zdonczyk, the first cases
of aids occurred in gay men. "It was originally in the homosexual community.
Now it’s in the heterosexual community," he explained. "It wasn’t
there and now it is. What kind of conclusion can you draw?"

Of course, Zdonczyk concedes, we really don’t have enough information to
make a definitive link. "You’d have to have someone with medical research
experience conducting tests," he acknowledges. But let’s be honest
with ourselves. Is that really necessary? "Sometimes," Zdonczyk
says, "you can look at circumstantial evidence and draw a conclusion."
Zdonczyk didn’t draw that conclusion without reading between the lines of
the history books. "Do you know what they used to call aids?"
he asks. "grids: Gay-related Immune Deficiency Syndrome." Why
the name change? The little-known explanation lies in the subversive influence
of the gay population. "The homosexuals must have put pressure on the
physicians and medical community so that the name was changed to aids."
Since it’s common knowledge that "the homosexual community is very,
very politically and monetarily powerful," it’s a wonder the scientists
don’t see it. After all, Zdonczyk points out, homosexuals "don’t have
families to raise, expenses that married people have."

But for some reason, Novick and others who claim expertise in the field
reduce aids to a "medical and public health problem," and refuse
to acknowledge that the cure for aids lies in assigning blame. Novick isn’t
even satisfied with the enormous funds the epidemic has already sapped from
more serious projects-even in Connecticut, where he claims aids programs
are among the world’s best. "The best isn’t good enough," he said.
Evidently not-not for the selfish, that is.

Zdonczyk’s perspective on this issue is broad-minded and compassionate,
and at that, a welcome DEParture from common misconceptions. Zdonczyk sees
this funding for what it really is: a "serious injustice" that
can kill innocent people.

By enabling those who contracted hiv to succumb to their "appetites,"
he laments, "you are actually contributing to the deaths of many who
are victims of cancer." And victims of cancer, Zdonczyk points out,
are not the only ones to suffer at the expense of the gay community. "Now,"
he said sadly, "we see aids spread about the world and millions have
died and probably millions will die." What’s more, "the homosexual
community is using those other people as an excuse to demand additional
funding." As if medical funding weren’t enough, Novick and his colleagues
also fight for education programs, to prevent aids by teaching "safer
sex." Zdonczyk sees the danger in this scheme as well. That sense of
"Hey, you’re gonna be safe," that green light to engage in homosexual
activity, Zdonczyk explains, shows us why such "hackneyed, trite"
solutions are actually contributing to the spread of the aids virus.

Let’s take Zdonczyk’s lead and stop pretending. "If we only look at
the situation and be honest with ourselves, we know what the causes are
and we know what the remedies are." That’s the kind of fresh insight
we need in Congress. We need a Concerned Citizen. It’s high time Connecticut
has a leader who recognizes the remarkable simplicity of this global crisis
once and for all.

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