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Fun in the Time of Tolerance

bryniarskiHey everyone! You’re getting this email because I want you in my suite this weekend. I’ve admittedly invited a lot of you, which might mean our chip and pretzel rations will be depleted faster, but it’s important to me that you each understand how much I value your friendship. Please refer to the list of those cc’d, and if you have any unresolved tiffs with those listed, promptly resolve them.

Anyway, we’re calling this a “pre-game,” but by no means feel pressured to have plans for after it. We would call it a “game,” but we wouldn’t want anyone to think they were being rude if he or she were to leave a bit early. So this is somewhere between the pre- and the game—like, right where the hyphen would go. But by no means is this going to be a fast function, so maybe it’s more of an em dash? In the case that you’ll stay a while, feel free to pre-game this em bash only a little, but we should have plenty of provisions available for buzz sustaining. The master and dean and four parents from the new Party Patrol initiative will be present (better safe than sorry!), so our best advice is to not get sloppy.

You will see in the Paperless Post to follow (theme TBD, but soliciting suggestions) that we have not yet decided on an exact time for next Fridays’s get together. That’s because we want to uphold the democratic process in our festivities. We need your input! Please fill out this Doodle poll before 3 p.m. today so that we know when is best for everyone and can maximize attendance. Check out this Excel spreadsheet we’ve put together, where everyone can sign up to bring a dish to share—we’re all legal adults, and it’s about time we started acting (read: throwing potlucks) like it. And please complete this Survey Monkey with whatever dietary preferences and allergies you may have. Best allergy will be rewarded with a voucher for one (1) free rice cake. While I have your attention, I’ll also just add a small reminder that our suite has a blanket gluten-free rule, so it’s not necessary to mention that in the survey. We’ll be drinking a whiskey made from quinoa and kombucha to mix. Beer will be a squash lager (non-GMO). Diet Coke, seltzer, and whatever else you BYO will be available, but only so long as you BYO.

Do also note that I’ve attached a few PDFs to the end of this email, which we would like you to fill out and bring upon your arrival next Friday. One of our friends is going to be doing a site reading at this party for an anthropology class, so there’s a human-subjects research waiver to sign for the Institutional Review Board. There’s also a document with some questions about your vaccination history—if you haven’t been vaccinated for measles, mumps, or rubella, please let me know SOONER RATHER THAN LATER so that I can have the appropriate homeopathic serums on hand in case of a breakout. We’ve got plenty of Purell, though. Last but certainly not least, there will be a photographer at the event, but we need your OK and your signature before we post any shots to Facebook, because last semester a girl sued when her employer got an unsavory glimpse of her double-fisting sugar-free mimosas. Net positive, though: we weren’t found liable, the community service hours were memorable, and we’re implementing the “Danielle Rule” from now on—no double-fisting in photographs, nay, at all.

Speaking of social media, the designated hashtag for this event is “#OldCampusRager2015.” Of course, feel free to use your own alternative (“#OldCampusLowKeyHang2015,” or “#OldCampusNoExpectationsNightOut”) if you have one—we don’t want to be at all prescriptive with regards to your experience at the party, and hope you’ll make it whatever feels most comfortable for you! Other things: please say you’re attending on this Facebook event, and click here to join the GroupMe that can be used if you feel at any point that the music is too loud. The Spotify playlist here is customizable and public, so have fun with it, but keep it sans anything with a parental advisory. We’re asking that everyone submit three song choices, and at least one of them has to be considered “Contemporary World,” which will ensure engaging conversation about non-Western instruments (new obsession, LOL), among other things. And though I’ve mentioned there will be a photographer, we’re recommending everyone download the latest version of the Camera app on his or her iPhone. High-definition or bust!

Dress code is as follows: tasteful-mocktail-early-evening attire. Nothing garish, nothing too formal, but please try to look put together. We have a few gender-neutral grey frocks up for grabs if you don’t think an appropriate look can be assembled from your wardrobe. If you’re still unsure of what to wear, feel free to send me an email. I’m happy to grab coffee at any point to discuss—though, know in advance that Mondays and Thursdays aren’t my best, Tuesdays I tend to be pretty busy, and Wednesdays I’m usually in meetings most of the day. That offer goes for any concerns you might have—next week’s function will be your night, and I want to make sure it meets your standards.

Last things last! A list of people you should put into your phone in case of emergency is attached. We will have chargers for 4s and 5s on hand, but we’d recommend that you bring your own in case demand exceeds supply. A generator can supply power in case of blackout (electrical blackout, mind you). You will need to present this email, a printed version of this email, or a hologram of this email to gain entry to the party, and we’ve submitted a list of names and blood types to the Yale security office, so your ID/fingerprick sample should allow you to get into the entryway without a problem. And finally, remember: you must be 21 to drink in the state of Connecticut, marijuana has not yet been decriminalized, and your presence is a present (but Venmo donations to defray some of the costs are welcomed).


Room A41. Should be fun!


Austin Bryniarski is a junior in Calhoun College.

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